When you’re asking this question are you fishing for a self esteem boost, or do you really want to know?
And, what happens when you’re on the receiving end of one of these kinds of questions? Do you tell the truth as you see it, or do you serve up a shiny platitude while crossing your lying fingers behind your back?
Graciously telling and receiving the truth is a hard thing to do.
As women we’ve been trained not to hurt anyone’s feelings and sometimes we think that telling the truth will feel hurtful. And, let’s face it – sometimes we’re not the best at receiving someone else’s opinion – we get angry, or we may pout.
So – do you really want to know if your butt looks big? Then here’s what you want to pay attention to.
Ask the question you want the answer to. Take a moment and determine what it is you really want to know. You cannot get the answer that is the most helpful if you don’t ask the right question.
If you simply want props or affirmation, then ask for it. There’s nothing wrong with tooting your own horn and letting folks know that these are the best pair of jeans and you feel hot!
Remember, it’s always someone else’s opinion and you can take whatever part of it works for you (or not). Ask the question you want, be open to the answer, and use it to empower you, not control you.
If you’re on the receiving end of someone’s potentially loaded question, here’s how to handle it gracefully.
Ask first what the questioner thinks. Questioner: ‘Does my butt look big?’ You: ‘Well, what do you think?’ Or ’What really are you asking me?’ This gives you some idea of what kind of response might be called for and received well. And you can begin to gauge your language.
Ask for permission to tell the truth. You: ‘Do you really want my truthful feedback?’ Most folks will receive a critical or negative opinion much better if they’ve consented to hearing it.
Try very hard not to flat out lie, but do use kind truthful words. It’s most often not what you say, but how you say it. You can tell a pear shaped friend that skinny jeans are not her best look, and then tell her what she looks amazing in.
Obviously these tips go for telling and receiving the truth in all kinds of situations, not just for jeans and backsides.
Feedback is a crucial aspect of evolving in our world. Unless you know what’s not working, how will you know what to make different.
So, whether it’s about your appearance, a business idea, a decorating scheme, or the meal you just cooked, be open to receiving truthful feedback. And, when you’re asked, tell the truth yourself, in a really nice way.
What do you think? Post a comment and let us know how feedback and truth telling works for you.