Though only two little words,that phrase carries the force of an emotional nuclear bomb.
You’ve had those words hurled at you. You’ve probably rocketed them at someone else. And, I bet you’ve cursed yourself with a short, sharp, ‘you’re selfish’.
Those words are meant to hurt. The purpose is to cut you down. The force of those words creates strong reactions designed to cause you to capitulate or defend. They are words of battle.
I need to go on record – I hate the word selfish. Yes, hate. I don’t hate much, but I do hate how this word has been weaponized and misused. I hate how it has become a manipulation and a way to control. I hate that it is used as a way to avoid personal responsibility and make someone else feel like shit.
Selfish is NOT a swear word.
Selfish is NOT a sword.
Selfish is NOT a condemnation of your character.
Selfish is NOT a weapon to be used to cut you or someone else down to size.
But, it’s used those ways.
According to Merriam-Webster the definition of selfish is: ‘devoted to or caring only for oneself’.
If you are not a sociopath, then you understand that there is something wrong with manipulating others, or hurting people for the purpose of hurting them, or ignoring others’ wishes entirely as you make decisions. Those behaviors could be considered truly selfish.
However, if what happens is you share your needs, wants, and desires and someone calls you selfish because they don’t like what you’re saying, then that’s plain wrong.
And, honestly, someone who is calling you selfish because they don’t like what you’re saying, is being selfish themselves.
So, mind how you’re using the ‘S’ word, both towards others and yourself. It is not a crime to have a need, want, or desire that others don’t care for. It’s fine for you to want something different than someone else. Really, it’s OK for another person to be uncomfortable with what you desire.
Just because someone else is bothered by what you want doesn’t make you selfish.
And really, if you are not standing up for what you need, want, and desire, then who is?