Small Word You Probably Say – Big Lie

by Catherine on February 6, 2012

Try.  It’s just a little word.  And, I bet you say it all the time – ‘I’ll try’.  It doesn’t take up much space, does it? But, it sure packs a punch!

The dictionary.com definition of the word ‘try’ is: to attempt to do or accomplish.  The definition also involves testing an effect or evaluating an experiment.

The word try is actually a verb, which means it is an action – not just an intention.

What the dictionary definition of the word try does not include are all the underlying meanings that often are present when you use the phrase ‘I’ll try’ in response to someone offering a suggestion or opportunity to you.

When I hear ‘I’ll try’ from my clients my radar automatically goes up and I probe a bit because my guess is there’s another meaning under those words.

Here are common translations of what ‘I’ll try’ often means:

  • I don’t really want to, but I don’t want to hurt your feelings so I’m not going to tell you the truth
  • I think I should, but I don’t really want to – and I probably won’t
  • I have absolutely no intention of doing that, but I’m not going to say so
  • I’d like to, but I’m scared shitless
  • I might give it a whirl, if it fits into my busy schedule, but it’s not really a priority
  • I would like to do that, but I’m not going to make a commitment

How often do you use the response ‘I’ll try’ and it means one of the above translations or something different?

When you say ‘I’ll try’, you are giving the impression that you will make some effort towards something.  If that is not your truth at the moment, or you feel a barrier, then why not simply say so?

  • No thanks. That’s not really right for me
  • I’m not quite ready to attempt that yet
  • I’d like to, but I’m scared
  • That might be true, but I’m not really interested right now

There’s nothing wrong with saying those instead!

Conduct your own experiment.  Keep track of how often you use the word ‘try’.  Are you using it to shroud your real feelings or intentions?  If so, what could you replace ‘try’ with?

 

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Do You Suck at Completing Goals?

by Catherine on February 2, 2012

I do.

I like goals, but I often times suck at following through. I like planning and I have no problem with ideas of what I want to accomplish, but what I’ve learned is that I’m not very good at completing goals that span a long period of time.

At the beginning of 2011 I went through a fabulous goal setting process and I had a wonderful plan for the year. And, 2011 finished with my attention and accomplishments in a completely different direction.

I finally learned that I can’t make goals for a year! It’s just too long of a time frame for me. Too many things change, both internally and externally. Planned goals don’t leave much space for my need to sometimes pause (or hibernate), which I know is a very important part of my creative process.

I do value the focus of a goal. And, I think it’s important to know where you want to go and take conscious action towards that future. However, the long term goals I set were creating stress and anxiety in me when I felt myself start to veer in a different direction. Not a great byproduct of a goal!

So with all this in mind, I tried it differently this year. I decided that in 2012 I would go month by month.

I know that research has shown that it takes 28 to 30 days of repetition to make something a habit, so the monthly time frame made sense.

I decided to focus on one or two things each month that I wanted to make different in my life. That seemed completely doable and exactly the right amount of time. I also decided to focus on something I wanted to make a habit of.

For January I chose to focus on adding in daily physical movement and tracking what I was eating. Part of this is in response to the interesting things that menopause has done to my body, and part is simply because I wanted to become more conscious and mindful about my body.

It’s now the beginning of February. I’m keeping the body related items from January because, even though in the beginning they required substantial effort, they actually bring me joyful pleasure now. They became a very fulfilling habit. Cool, right?!

I’ve decided that for February I’m going to add in a focus of daily meditation.

If you were to focus on one or two things for February, what would they be? How do you bring goals into your life? What works for you? Can you hold the long term vision, or does this smaller chunk idea appeal to you?

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Knowing When to Leave a Rocky Relationship

January 20, 2012

You know the song ‘The Gambler’ sung by icon Kenny Rogers?  Part of the chorus goes: ‘You got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, Know when to walk away, know when to run.’ Sometimes when I’m sitting with a woman in my office hearing tales of woe about a relationshipsgone [...]

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You Can’t Push a Noodle. Why I Needed to Hibernate for Meaningful Change to Blossom.

January 17, 2012

The Pause, which I (and some great guest bloggers) wrote about over 3 months ago, morphed into a full-fledged hibernation.  I have been virtually absent recently because I needed to retreat completely into my comfy and well appointed rainforest valley cave and tend to myself, my loved ones, and my environment.  The Pause signaled that [...]

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Transformation and the Sacred Pause

October 26, 2011

I consider myself to be a veteran of The Pause and have much gratitude for my age and the life circumstances that have resulted in my personal growth. I’ve experienced many a Pause in my life and have come to know them as a sacred time.  Sometimes The Pause is voluntary, by my choice, a [...]

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Press the Pause Button

October 17, 2011

This is yet another wonderful guest post on the theme of The Pause. In today’s culture, it’s all about “go, go, go” and “get it done.”  We’re challenged to be superwomen and stay on top of everything that’s on our lists.  Something gets in our way?  We charge right through it! When Catherine invited me [...]

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Giving Myself a Time Out

October 10, 2011

This is a guest post continuing the theme of The Pause.  Growing up in a single-parent household in the 1970’s, my rebellious nature challenged my mother almost every waking moment.  If she suggested I do something, I wanted to avoid it. And, if she suggested I didn’t, I was incredibly curious as to why.  It’s [...]

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The Girl Effect and the Responsibility of the Lucky

October 4, 2011

  I’m one of the lucky.  I was born to educated upwardly moving middle class Caucasian parents in the United States in 1961.  That’s luck. I always had the basics – food, clothing, shelter, hygiene supplies, and medical care. I always had education and the expectation that I would excel and obtain as much education [...]

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The Pause – To Be or To Do. That is the Question.

October 3, 2011

I’m continuing the conversation about The Pause – that time when motivation and inspiration go dormant, or into hibernation.  During The Pause any action towards your project seems like the wrong thing, or feels like you would need to muster the energy required to push a boulder up a mountain. So, you don’t act.  Or, [...]

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The Pause. Problem or Solution?

September 26, 2011

My last blog post was a month ago.  Aaack!  In the world of blog that is a century. My goal over this last year was to post once or twice weekly and up until last month I did fairly well at that. So what happened? The pause.  That’s what happened. Suddenly my inspiration went silent, [...]

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